My friends, they love my intelligence
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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