You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
