that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
