Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
