My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
