she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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