Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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