i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
