just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize