I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
