roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
