Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
