cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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