I just cut my nipple shaving
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
