I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
