end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
