if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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