it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
