Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
