I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're using joints as your birthday candles
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
