well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
