I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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