Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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