i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
