if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
