Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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