nutella sex= disaster
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
