dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
