Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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