I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
