I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just pee around me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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