3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
