At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
