do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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