her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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