I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
