i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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