He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
People in love make me want to vomit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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