we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
