he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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