I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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