After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
