she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
