I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
