I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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