kristin has been a bad kristin
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
