I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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