I wanna bring you to show and tell
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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