it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I currently don't understand fingers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize