It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
