Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
