don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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