I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
