I smell stomach acid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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