Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
