were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize