If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why didn't you poke me back
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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