I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
