And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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