JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
