I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
