tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you would pick up someone in the library
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
whose parrot is this?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
