When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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