she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize