the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
God, I missed his penis.
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