see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
