another moral hangover. fuck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
