I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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