I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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