hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
