how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
