You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
