LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
