So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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